Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle, but I got my hands on a couple. Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle. You're welcome on my boat. God ain't. Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature. Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower ... somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross. Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius. You will not apply my precept. How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth? We know that he did not come through the door, the window, or the chimney. We also know that he could not have been concealed in the room, as there is no […]

No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you. As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right. Say goodbye to these, because it's the last time! There's so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you'll have more fun. That's what it said on 'Ask Jeeves.' I must apologize for calling so late, and I must further beg you to be so unconventional as to allow me to leave your house presently by scrambling over your back garden wall. The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes. Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes […]